


The Cubbyhole

by Maybeificry (sparrowsandships)



Category: Hangrid (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Canon Lesbian Character, F/F, Gay Bar, Girls Kissing, Groping, Lesbian Character, New York City, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 20:50:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4494267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrowsandships/pseuds/Maybeificry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ingrid has run away to New York to come to terms with who she really is. She visits infamous lesbian bar The Cubbyhole to help her find out, but something (Hannah Hart) is holding her back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cubbyhole

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the time Ingrid spent in New York finding herself before she came out to the world (which she talked about on the Ear Biscuits podcast, ep. 78). In my mind this was fall of 2014, but I have no clue when she was actually there.

_West Village, NYC_

Ingrid got to the corner of W12th and W4th and stopped abruptly. There it was. The Cubbyhole. Center of all that was lesbian and holy in New York City.

Or so she'd heard.

Her extensive and progressively desperate internet searching ( _Where do lesbians go in New York?...Best lesbian bars...Best gay bars...Where do I go to meet gay women?_ ) had all led her here. To this random corner in the West Village. A fancy-looking bistro called Cafe Cluny was on the opposite corner, making either Cubbyhole or the bistro seem very out of place. Ingrid couldn't decide which place didn't seem to belong.

She took a deep breath and shoved her hands in to the pockets of her cropped black leather jacket as she rocked back on her heels on the sidewalk across the street from the bar. Her breath created a puff of white as she exhaled slowly in the cool fall air. She couldn't believe she was actually here. It had taken literally her whole life to get here. And now that she was actually in New York, on her own, coming to terms with the fact that she was gay, almost ready to stop hiding from it, she was frozen to this spot on a filthy New York City sidewalk.

"Ugh, just go in," she muttered to herself. "Just _go_ , you've come this frickin’ far!"

At that moment, the door of Cubby swung open and two women stumbled out, laughing loudly. It was only 8:30, but they were clearly very drunk. Happy hour casualties, Ingrid thought with a smirk. Once they reached the sidewalk, holding on to one another to keep from falling down the steps, one of the women turned the other to her and kissed her, deeply, almost knocking the other woman off of her feet. "I've been wanting to do that all night!" the first woman yelled into the night when they broke apart. "God Bless the Cubbyhole!"

The other woman laughed, they linked arms, and heading down the block with their heads leaned together, clearly enamored, clearly on a first date that was going extreme well.

Ingrid pulled out her phone and typed:

_I'm standing outside of Cubbyhole and I'm such a chicken shit. Tell me I should go in. I should go in...right??_

Less than 30 seconds later her phone lit up:

_Yassssssssss you can do it, IN. So proud of you, dude._

Ingrid couldn't stop the huge smile that lit up her face as she read the text. Does she REALLY have to call me _dude_? She shook her head. Oh, Hannah. They joked all the time about how Hannah was the master of being super chill and also not at all chill, but Ingrid had to admit, she was damn good at being her cheerleader.

Quickly she sent back:

_Thanks, DUDE. Ok, I’M GOING IN. Will report back!_

SEND

Sliding her phone into the back pocket of her impossibly skinny jeans, she squared her shoulders, crossed the street, and pushed open the door.

She was immediately hit by how LOUD it was. That, and the crazy ceiling. Every square inch of the ceiling of the tiny hallway of a bar was covered in hanging, sparkly, kitschy, STUFF. It was insane and irreverent and made the place seem even smaller than it was. She loved it.

The next thing Ingrid noticed, as her eyes adjusted to the dim light, was that even though it was packed (she was having to shoulder through the crowd near the door to move forward, and hadn't even actually seen the bar itself yet) there were still a lot of heads swiveling her way to see who had entered their sacred space. Having so many women's (and a few men's) eyes on her at once--so many _gay women's_ eyes on her at once-- immediately made her blush and curse her extremely cool but extremely effective jacket. She felt herself break into a sweat as she realized that these women were checking her out, eyeing the competition, eyeing the fresh meat.

_Ohmygod_ , she thought. _Just breathe. Breeeattheeeee and make it to the bar._

Just at that moment someone pivoted around, drink in hand, and started inching away from the bar and back into the crowd. Ingrid locked eyes with the woman for a split second and saw a hint of recognition or… _something_ in her eyes. _Please don't recognize me, please please please please_. The woman smiled slightly at Ingrid and, as she pushed by her, a bit closer than she needed to be, breathed in her ear, "Hi."

Ingrid ducked her head and nervously tucked her hair behind her ear as she slid into the space the woman had left behind. She turned back around and saw that the woman was looking back at her, head cocked slightly to one side, smiling quizzically, eyes mischievous and searching. Ingrid felt a rush of excitement shiver it’s way up her spine and turned back to the bar.

She ordered a drink from the tall beautiful man behind the counter, all shining teeth and perfect quiff, then pulled out her phone again.

_Jack and coke on the way and I think i just got checked out?? By a lady?? !!! It's loud in here._

SEND

Seconds later, from Hannah:

_One-Excellent choice of libation. Two-of course you got checked out. Have you seen you? Third-still proud of you. Fourth-dude. :p_

Ingrid's stomach did a flip at Hannah's not-so-subtle compliment and she smiled to herself. This was a first between them. They'd been texting back and forth for months--Hannah was the only person in Ingrid’s life who knew why she was really in New York, what journey she was really on--but they'd always very carefully kept things very bro-y. At least three times a day they each said how awesome the other was, and Ingrid was constantly thanking Hannah for being such a great friend to her but--this was different. Ingrid allowed herself one moment of wondering if maybe, impossibly (possibly?) Hannah was attracted to her too. Her stomach flipped again.

Ingrid started typing:

_LOL I—_

“Hi again.”

Ingrid almost dropped her phone in her drink as she looked to her right and found herself face-to-face with the woman with the searching eyes.

“Oh! Uh-hi? Hi!” Ingrid felt herself turning red, and silently thanked the heavens that it was so dim in the bar.

“You seem….new. Have you been here before?” The woman asked, leaning comfortably against the edge of the bar, clinking the ice in her empty glass as she swirled it on the dark, polished wood of the bar top. “I feel like I would have remembered you if you had.” She winked, smiled.

“Ha! Um, yeah. I mean, no. I’ve never been here before, I—I just moved to New York.” She noticed that her voice had gone up about an octave, making her sound like a cartoon mouse. That always happened to her when she was nervous. _Ughhhhhhhhhh_ , _keep it together, Ingrid!_

“Cool, cool. Welcome to New York!” She raised her glass in a mock toast. “And you’re….gay?” Ingrid met the woman’s eyes, trying to figure out if this was a normal question for a woman to ask another woman in a known lesbian bar, trying to figure out if she should be offended.

“Please don’t take that the wrong way!” the woman added, filling the silence. “It’s just—sometimes people wander in here and don’t know that this is a lesbian bar, you know? We get overrun by straights more and more these days, and—I just wanted to check before I keep flirting with you.” She grinned then, and for the first time Ingrid saw a break in the woman’s swagger as she looked down, bashful. Was it possible that Ingrid was making _her_ nervous too? This thought, though baffling, made her feel much more relaxed.

“Ohhhhhh ha! Okay. Yeah, I’m—“ Ingrid realized with a start that this was the first time she was about to call herself a lesbian, to anyone other than Hannah. Whoa.

“Yeah, I’m a lesbian.” She felt tears start to prick the corners of her eyes and blinked to keep them in. “Yep.”

“Well, cheers to that! What are you drinking?”

The woman ordered their next round then extended her hand toward Ingrid.

“I’m Jess, by the way.”

“Oh! Right. Ingrid.” They shook hands, nodded and smiled shyly at each other as the handshake lingered a moment too long.

“Ingrid. Cool name. So what do you do here in New York, Ms. Ingrid?”

_Run away from my problems and walk the streets alone and wonder how I’m gonna tell everyone that I’m gay and try not to fall in love with my friend Hannah,_ Ingrid immediately thought to herself.

“I’m a freelancer. Graphic design,” she said.

The lie spilled out smoothly. She’d spent hours daydreaming about what she would say if she ever ended up actually chatting someone up in a gay bar in the city. Now, the dream realized, it felt exhilarating that it was really happening, that she was really here, that she was really _doing_ this. But even still she felt the underlying sadness at the fact that she was feeling more like herself than she _ever_ had, but only by hiding who she really was. From Jess, from her boyfriend back in LA, from everyone.

_Except Hannah._

The flood of emotions she had just felt must have played across her face because Jess’s smile faded and she asked, “Do you hate graphic design or something?”

“What? Oh! Ha, no, no no no, I love my job, it’s just—well, I have a confession?”

Jess raised her eyebrows and took a sip of her drink, but said nothing. Ingrid chugged the rest of hers and slammed the glass down on the bar.

“So I _am_ gay but…” She took a deep breath and let out in a stream of words, “ _ButIstillhaveaboyfriendandIcametoNewYorkbecauseI'verealizedIcan'tpretendI'mnotgayanymoreandI'veneverevenkissedagirlandIcan'tbelieveI'mtellingyouthisOHMYGOD_."

Ingrid inhaled deeply and eyed Jess nervously. She was smiling! At Ingrid? Yes! Really? _Wait, what?_ Confused and relieved, Ingrid slowly exhaled through pursed lips.

She flagged down Beautiful Bartender Man for another Jack and Coke.

Turning back to face Jess, Ingrid found that she was still smiling at her, her head again cocked to the side like she was trying to solve a puzzle.

"Why are you looking at me like that!?" Ingrid asked, her voice climbing an octave, betraying her again.

Jess laughed. "Because! You are so cute! And I'm wondering if maybe I'll be your first kiss."

Ingrid gaped at her. "Wh-huh? What? Did you not hear what I said? I have a boyfriend!"

"I heard you," Jess laughed again. "But I've heard that story before. A lot of us have been there. _So many_ , you have no idea. Hell, I was _married_ a few years ago. To a man! But here _I_ am. And here you are. It happens. A lot. So, yeah, I'm wondering if I'll have the honor of being your first kiss."

Ingrid looked down at her drink as she felt the flush creeping up her neck again. She couldn't believe this was happening to her. Jess was hot. She was hot and she was gay and she was flirting with her and she wanted to kiss her. Ingrid felt stunned. Her phone buzzed in her pocket.

_Hannah_. Ingrid thought. She felt a tug in her gut. It felt like a cord had been pulled, tugging her, reminding her, all the way from LA, that this was not home.

Ingrid shook her head as if to clear it and smiled up at Jess. "I guess we'll just have to see how the night goes."

 

**_Two hours later_ **

 

Ingrid felt the cold, roughness of the bricks through her jacket as her back pressed against the wall in the alleyway around the corner from Cubbyhole. Jess's tongue was in her mouth and her hand was down her pants. _First kiss with a girl? Check._

After spilling her big secret, Ingrid felt lighter and more relaxed than she had since her plane had touched down in New York a month ago. As they sat at the bar and the drinks kept coming, Ingrid grilled Jess about how she had handled leaving her husband ( _How did you know it was the right thing to do? Does he hate you? What did your family say??)_ , Jess asked her what had changed that she was finally ready to come out ( _Why now? Are you really ready? Is there a girl that’s made you realize you’ve got to? What will your family say?_ ), and eventually some of Jess's friends joined them in the tiny bar and Ingrid sat back and took it all in. For the first time, Ingrid felt what it might be like to be out and authentic and surrounded by queer women. It felt good. The evening left her feeling giddy and intoxicated, even more than the six (seven?) Jack and Cokes she'd sucked down.

Which was how she had ended up making out with a stranger in an alley. Not that she was complaining.

As Jess kissed her again and her hand roamed up and under her shirt to cup one of her breasts, Ingrid felt her phone buzz again in her back pocket.

_Hannah_. Tug-tug.

Ingrid pulled away from Jess then, placed one hand on her chest and gently created some space between them. Jess frowned.

"Ohhh, what's wrong? Was I--"

"No! No, you’re great, this has been such an awesome night. And you are an excellent kisser and--thank you for being so nice to me tonight. I had so much fun, I just—I should get home."

Jess smiled at her as she took a step back and ran a hand through her short, spiky hair. Her lips were plump and slightly darker red than they had been, thanks to Ingrid's lip stain. _She really is gorgeous_ , Ingrid thought. _So why am I stopping this?_

_Hannah_. Tug tug.

"Yeah sure, I get that, I mean we only just met, though I'm glad I got to know you better tonight!" Jess grinned and winked at Ingrid. She had shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans and was bouncing a bit on her toes in the cold night air. “So, um, can I walk you home or…”

Ingrid smiled at her. “Oh, no, that’s okay, thanks. I think I need to walk around a bit, take it all in, it’s been quite a night!”

Jess laughed. “I get it! I remember after my first night at Cubby I walked around for like an hour afterward, just grinning to myself.” Worry flashed across Jess’s face. “Not that I’m so great or anything! It’s just, first girl kisses, you know?”

“I do.” Ingrid leaned forward and kissed Jess softly one last time. “I’ll never forget tonight. You’re amazing.”

Jess smirked. “But….I’ll probably never see you again, will I?”

Ingrid shook her head no and smiled wistfully. “Probably not but…maybe? I can’t really do anything until I tell my boyfriend, you know? But maybe you’ll see me again someday.” _Like in my coming out video_ , she thought.

“Totally get it,” Jess said. “Well you have a good night, Ingrid. Glad I could help you with some firsts tonight. Stay gorgeous!” With a final wistful smile, she turned and walked into the night.

Ingrid leaned back against the wall again and stared up at the dark sky. Wow. Did that just happen?

YUP _._

She giggled to herself as her phone buzzed again. She pulled it out for the first time in hours and her eyebrows shot up. 8 unread messages. All from Hannah.

_How’s it going?_

_Who checked you out??? Is she cute?_

_Dying for details over here!!_

_Okay, I’m sorry I said dude again! LOL What’s happening?? :)_

_IN? you okay?_

_Hope you’re okay and just having too much fun to check your phone. Lemme know when you’re home k? You know I’m a worrier!_

_IN. DUDE. I’m gonna actually CALL you soon if you don’t text me back! You ok?_

Ingrid quickly sent a response back:

_Ohmygod I’m so sorry I had you worried! I’m good!_

Seconds later:

_Hiiiiiiiiii omg I was getting seriously worried!_

Ingrid typed:

_I’m so sorry Han, I ended up talking to the girl who checked me out and…:)_

Ingrid waited for Hannah to respond, but…several minutes passed. _Huh_ , _weird_ , Ingrid thought. She started walking slowly east toward her apartment.

Fifteen minutes later, as she closed the apartment door behind her, her phone finally buzzed again.

_Cool, cool._

Ingrid frowned. Cool, cool? Hannah had never sent such a vague, noncommittal text in her life. And since when did she not want more details? Especially about something as big as Ingrid’s first gay bar experience? They talked about everything, every detail. What was this? As Ingrid flopped face up on her bed and frowned at the screen, she felt the tug again.

_Ohmygod_ , she thought. _Does she not want to hear about this?_ _Because maybe she…_

Ingrid’s stomach did more flips as she closed her eyes, tried not to hope, and tried to stop the room from spinning. The surreal-ness of the night, the many, many Jack and Cokes, the fact that her lips were still a bit swollen from Jess’s kisses…it was all too much.

She bolted up from the bed and made it to the bathroom just in time to hurl into the toilet bowl.

Her stomach empty and her head slightly clearer, Ingrid put some leftover pad thai in the microwave to reheat and flopped down on her bed again. She pulled out her phone and stared at Hannah’s text. _What do I possibly say to her? I had my first kiss tonight and I wish it had been with you? I want to be in LA with you right now? You’re everything to me, do you know that? Do you care?_

She typed:

_It was really cool :) I’ll tell you all about it later? Wish you could have been here though xx_

SEND _._

Immediately her phone lit up:

_Me too. LA misses you, you know?_

_LA_ , Ingrid thought? _Or you?_

She smiled, feeling hope bubbling up in her again. This felt like something. Why would Hannah not want to hear about Ingrid’s night, why would she be okay with leaving so much unsaid, unless she _cared_? Unless she didn’t want to know because it made her sad? Or…jealous? Ingrid felt a shiver of excitement between her legs at the thought. They had so much to talk about when she got home.

Ingrid typed:

_I miss LA too. I think maybe it’s time to come home._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 2nd fic ever, and I have lots more Hangrid fic ideas so stay tuned. This relationship is my muse, what can I say, other than...thank you snapchat!
> 
> :)
> 
> Tumblr: Maybeificry


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